Saturday, January 23, 2010

Showered

Tomorrow is my Bridal Shower. I have some pretty mixed feelings, mostly good, about it.


I am very excited, but in a calm way. I'm surprisingly relaxed about the whole thing. Normally I would be freaking out and worrying about every detail and I would probably have a lot of trouble falling asleep. I think maybe since I'm not planning it, and since all I have to do is dress up and show up, maybe I just feel at ease in that sense.


I do feel nervous about being the center of attention. I have a hard time being comfortable with all eyes on me, but at the same time I get irritated when I witness other people trying (most of the time struggling) to get attention, to have all eyes on them. Maybe it's because I just can't possibly understand why anyone would want to dance the "look at me! look at me!" dance. It seems like a very selfish thing, to struggle for attention and admiration.


But I digress...


I sometimes (well, usually) get overwhelmed when there are a lot of people celebrating something that is centered entirely on me. I almost feel guilty, like I shouldn't be the only person in a crowd being celebrated.


I don't know. I'm just struggling with these emotions because I have to remind myself that for most brides, this comes only once in their life. I need to say to myself, "Andrea, enjoy this. Remember it, because it's never gonna happen again."


I don't want to regret the day because I focused on the negative things like my fear of attention and my anxiety. I want to just be happy. Just happy.


I am marrying a man who loves me, without a doubt, and who makes me happy. I want to celebrate that.


Oh boy. If I feel like this now, how in the world am I gonna feel on the night before my wedding day? Haha!
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