Tuesday, December 20, 2011

crazy christmas

I can't believe it's almost Christmas. I'M NOT READY!
I haven't had the time to Christmas shop. I'm supposed to go over to Lauren's house to wrap presents with her tomorrow, but I have no presents to wrap yet.

I've just been so busy that I haven't had the time to shop AND I'm avoiding crowds like the plague. I hate crowds. I feel like that big guy in that Christmas commercial who's shopping with his mom at a crowded store and someone bumps into him when his mom says, "Let it go!" and he yells, "But everyone's bumping into me!!!" - that guy is totally me. I tried looking up that commercial on youtube but apparently it's not there. I laugh every time it's on tv.

This past weekend I basically moved all of my Christmas decorations over to our church to decorate for the Christmas party. It was an 8 hour day (thanks to Chanell, Lauren and Noel for all your help!) and then after the party was done we took it all down. On Sunday I redecorated my house. Oh and did I mention that I baked apple pie (which won the bake off in it's category!), jam crumb bars and chocolate cupcakes with buttercream frosting for the party? Yup.

Oh and I also memorized a monologue from Twelfth Night...
and worked on the dialect for my second monologue. If you don't get the famous deep southern drawl right for a Tennessee Williams play (in this case Summer and Smoke), then it's useless to even do the monologue at all. I've spent hours on both monologues. By the end of today I'll have spent close to 5 hours since this morning on them both. I have no idea how many hours I put into it this weekend. Tomorrow I'm going over to Sue's house so she can coach me on the monologues and I have to say I'm pretty nervous. I've worked with Sue many times, but the thought of anyone coaching me on audition pieces scares the crap out of me. I hate auditions (let's face it, who doesn't?). I really don't know how I've gotten any roles because I'm so bad at them... oh wait, I know why. Because most of the plays I've been cast in were only because the director knew he/she would cast me anyway, so it didn't matter if my monologue sucked or if I even delivered one. In fact, for my audition piece that was to get the part of my favorite character to date, I completely blanked half way into it. I just stared into space, then said, "I'm sorry, I can't remember a thing." and then the director said, "I'll see you at callbacks." I only got that part because of my appearance at the time and because the director (Sue) knew what I was capable of and that I could play that part. Thank God or I would have been so sad to not get that role.

But I digress.

I know the Twelfth Night monologue. I have it word perfect, but I'll bet you a dollar to a donut that tomorrow when Sue starts working with me on it I'm going to totally blank. I don't know what happens to me, I just freeze up. Auditioning is this weird thing that (I personally feel) does, in no way, show a director or casting agent what I'm capable of. Get me into the rehearsal process, give me direction and a little time to do my research and I'm good to go, but throw me in a room with a panel of people staring at me and I crumble.

This is the sole reason why I chickened out last year and didn't do any of my grad school applications and auditions. I told myself I wasn't ready, but really it was because I was terrified of that imaginary panel of people. This year, I'm forcing myself to take it step by step until I get to that day when I have to stand in front of all those judgmental orbs and pour my heart out... or stand there staring blankly into space.

And I've been one of those judgmental orbs! I've cast or helped cast shows before and I know that it's nothing personal. Everyone's just looking for the right type... but still it terrifies me.

Wow, that was quite a tangent. I wasn't planning on this post going in that direction, but whatever.

~~~

Anyway, what I meant to write about was how I've been too busy to shop and too busy to blog lately. So since I skipped Monday's WW post, I shall publish it here on this post.


{Week Five}

- 1.4 lbs
Change since week one: - 4.6 lbs
Change since 2006: - 34.6 lbs



I lost this week! I'm so happy that my low carb/low sugar intake is really working. Granted, I did pig out on desserts this past weekend at the party and the next day (hello carb and sugar heaven), so I won't be surprised if this week isn't so successful. This week and next I'm weighing in on Saturdays instead of Sundays because all of the holidays and parties are falling on Saturday and Sunday. It'll just give me a bit of an edge. By the first of the year I'll be back to weighing in on Sundays.

I'm really finding that lowering my carb and sugar intake is really a lot easier than I imagined it would be. If I ever have a hankering or want to cheat, I just remember that on my weigh in days I can indulge and that seems to help me feel less deprived. There are definitely weeks when I want that cupcake or even something as silly as a marshmallow and I go for it, but that's okay. Just as long as I stay in moderation I'll be good.

Even if next week's weigh in isn't so good, I'm not giving up. I'll get right back on the horse, and if it is okay, then all the merrier.
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