it's been a while.
for the last few weeks i have thought about what i could say to explain it, but there's nothing better than the truth.
some months back i started to become pretty disappointed and disillusioned by the whole blogging thing. i was finding myself being caught up in this weird subculture without even trying to. i didn't like a lot of what i witnessed and i didn't want to become something or someone i am not. so i subconsciously backed off from publishing anything even though i did have a lot on my mind and a lot going on in my life.
it pretty much just boils down to the fact that my stomach would turn thinking about the crazy things some bloggers do to become famous and it kind of made me sad, and even a little bit angry. i didn't want to feel like i had to compete in this strange world of bloggers or try to come up with some kind of schtick to become "blog famous" - all of which i did not want. when i started my blog, that was never the goal. it's still not the goal. of course it would be nice to have more followers, but it's not the end all-be all.
i will admit that with putting myself and my life out there and getting positive response from others, "likes" on my instagram photos, and getting more followers can give one a sense of validation and boost one's self-esteem... but my value does not come from what the outside world thinks of me and i don't ever want it to. don't get me wrong, i love that i have met some really great people through blogging and i've made awesome connections. i value anyone who reads and follows my blog and any other social media i am connected to. and it's funny because i really don't know why there are even a few people out there interested in my boring, but happy little life, but i appreciate anyone who is (with good intentions).
even so i was still totally put off by a lot of things i was noticing and i think that i just didn't want to be a part of it. i kept telling myself that i was too busy to blog, which is partly true. i'm working a lot more now than i was the last time i was here, and our home renovations really did take up a lot of time and energy (more on that later, hopefully). when i get home from work all i want to do is sit on the couch and watch Chopped or Project Runway or read a book.
but in the past few weeks i started to go back to my favorite blogs and i noticed that some of them were blogging again, or continuing to, and i asked myself why they were my favorites. what is it about these particular blogs that inspire me and give me hope for this blog world?
here's what i came up with: they are all genuine and authentic people who don't try to hide behind an image or push their dogma or get on their soapbox. they just exist, document the good and the bad and are honest about it all without making a big fuss over it. there is a simplicity to their blogs that is very appealing and elegant and truthful.
i love those blogs because they are beautiful. and inspiring. and encouraging.
i just want to be my most authentic self. that doesn't mean i have to spill my guts and air my dirty laundry out for you all, but it also doesn't mean that i need to try to fabricate and project a false image of myself. one that always has it all perfectly put together. there's nothing more transparent, to me, than someone who pretends that their life is perfect. i just don't want to become like that. and i want my blog to be a small part of who i am, not all of who i am. my self-worth isn't measured in comments and "likes" and page views.
so, having said all of that, i am going to let myself continue to be inspired by my favorite blogs and try to keep mine simple and truthful. and i'm going to try to blog more often, i really am. but if i don't it probably means that i'm just living my life and enjoying it. i just hope that i can find the time to share it with you. thanks for sticking with me.
my favorite blogs // katie's pencil box | mooreaseal | flowerchild dwelling | eat sleep cuddle | wild haven knits